Friday, October 29, 2010

Last minute

Okay... let's think. I have the dress, the makeup, the wig is at Angie's... The rest should be easy enough to find today. So what does that look like?

Lace-up gloves (probably from Hot Topic or a costume shop, right?)
Corset (the ONE TIME I need a Fredrick's of Hollywood and they went out of business... figures)
Those black boots I saw at DSW yesterday (would I really wear them again? Sure...)
Tights (Sarah said stripes, but I guess I had a pattern in mind... we'll see what's available for cheap)
Oh, and I need that headband from Forever 21 (if I can still find it in that mess of a store...)
What else am I missing.... eye lashes!

Um... so the list is longer than I thought it would be. The Hot Topic is downtown, thanks to the cleaning up of riffraff at Castleton Mall. The corset will have to be found at either a sex shop *sigh* or a costume place, providing neither one are sold out. This was a central piece to my outfit, so if this doesn't work out, I'll have to wear a regular apron...

I'm actually getting a little stressed out - is that weird? And I keep thinking about how I still have to be at work tomorrow at 7 am, so all this planning will have to only last me, what... three hours? I've always wanted to be Alice but never have. I just didn't like the idea of going blonde. But I feel the darker version of her is much more suited to me than the more bubbly version (or the readily available slut version). I still am kicking myself about the overpriced skirt from The Toggery. So rude to price anything at a consignment shop that high. Oh well.

Time to wash my face, throw on a hat, and get to Joanne's so I can find a ribbon for a choker...

Black Eyed Suzie

With my heart in my hands and my love out the door, you should be knocking. Try it again.

Pinch me!

Smile at the quirky humor some people let loose.

Thursday, October 21, 2010

Greener Grasses

To say "I miss her" would encompass more than you'd think. The depths to which I miss "her" vary depending on which "her" I am referring. Yes... I'm keeping it vague for a purpose, and so I will talk more in generalities than specifics here.

Lately I haven't been sleeping much... always fighting myself to turn it off, turn it down, or just turn down the bed so as to give myself a chance for a few precious moments of quiet. It doesn't come often, and lately it hasn't come at all. In the expanse of time which stretches across my evening, my mind replays things I said, did, felt, wished had happened... and I get sad. But let me be clear: I regret nothing I've done or said. In fact, I'm glad they have happened, as the experiences with these women have helped me know myself better. Sometimes we live and we love... and we move on.

"In your eyes I see things I know I cannot touch, I know not to reach for them - I let them touch me. And I cherish these moments that we're able to share, however fleeting they may be."

Sunday, October 17, 2010

Warm Vocal - Warm Heart

Recently, someone close to me took it upon themselves to cover one of the top five favorite songs of my life - "Keep Breathing" by Ingrid Michaelson. I'd been trying to master playing this song on my guitar since May, but for some reason the chords weren't playing smoothly (or maybe I just needed to learn some other songs before coming back to this one). Either way, when she told me what song she was interested in covering, it was everything I could do to remain calm while the giddy 12 year old inside of me was jumping up and down on her My Little Pony bedsheets.

Over the course of the past week, I've been sent updates of the songs progress, including layers of piano, guitar and, as of last night, violin. A few nights prior to the addition of the violin, I received the song in its entirety, without vocals - sent to me so I would be able to sing along. I kid you not... I cried when I heard it, just as I'm starting to now. Nothing I say here can explain how much this... means to me. For her to cover it is probably just another another, but for me it's everything. This song defines me and how I keep carrying on - how I keep breathing.

Sample Lyric:

"I want to change the world... instead, I sleep. I want to believe in more than you and me. All that I know is I'm breathing. All I can do is keep breathing. All we can do is keep breathing now."

And I do. Want to change the world, that is. But sometimes I, like most people, can get freaked out enough to point where I just want to shut my blinds and sleep away the pain and anxiety that comes along with life. Bury myself in my mind and let the storm roll in, washing over me.

As I sat there last night in my car, I set my iPhone to "record", pressed play on the track, and sang. I can't lie... I used to get teary when I first heard this song played years ago, but then... I started to get teary singing it myself. She gave me something no one else has before, and I can't thank her enough. Her presence in my life has inspired me to do more with my music, my love of art and photography, and has brought my outlook on life into swirling technicolor.

I'm a firm believer that if you feel something about someone or something, you acknowledge it right then and there. Don't let the opportunity pass you by to tell someone how much you love/care/adore who they are and what they mean to you - you might not get that opporunity again. "Live outloud", as they say. And that's exactly what I'm doing.

I miss her always. I want her always. I love her always.


Friday, October 8, 2010

The most ghetto picture in the world

Go ahead. Click on the picture. Get a gooooood look at it. Notice the drop shadow. The strange composition. THE LENS FLARE. Then think about how at 2am everything seemed hazy and confusing, the task of Copy and Pasting more daunting than it would be at, oh I don't know, 2pm, and then YOU judge ME. Can't get too much worse than this, kids. This is my mid-night epic fail, and it's displayed here for your viewing pleasure. Enjoy.