Tuesday, February 24, 2009

A Little Off The Top... A Little More...

Behind this door lies a man who just asked his girlfriend to trim up his neck hair. Hold on... Excuse me while I shudder. I'm going to be bringing a blade next to your jugular? For real?? The closest I've gotten to trimming hair in delicate areas with a buzzing utensil was about 7 years ago and it did NOT turn out okay. Massive amounts of tissue were used to stop the bleeding. But as the loving girlfriend and helpful person I am, I said I'd do it.

So there I was. Standing behind Matthew in the bathroom. A whirring clipper in my hand. Hair covering his exposed neck. He was patient enough while I carved out what I thought was a pretty good line along the bottom of his hair line. And then he said, "You can turn that and stab at it too." *brief pause while you contemplate what he just said*

Matthew trusted me so completely, and I was trying so hard to make it even, when all I really wanted to do was buzz out "I <3 KB" on the back of his head. Would have been quite the conversation starter at the office later, huh? Ah well... we might trim the rest of his hair later. Moments of opportunity are everywhere.

Monday, February 23, 2009

Citrus and Spice and Everything Nice

Update: Found my camera's USB cord. Score for me!


In an effort to quickly clean up my apartment a few nights ago (which doesn't take a whole lot of effort, to be honest), I stashed my Kodak memory card reader somewhere and have yet to locate it. Consequently, I am unable to upload the sweet picture of the meal Matthew made for me last night, nor am I am able to upload the table setting he put together, complete with candles and wine. This is especially significant, since it is coming from my straight-edge boyfriend who knows as much about alcohol as I do about basketball. Zilch. And yet he still managed to pick up my favorite wine of all - Guwerstraminer. I think I'll keep him.

Friday, February 20, 2009

Minor Infraction or Long Term Disability?

I love my laptop. I do. Really. As if it were my child. A poor, dirty, white kid with a "dim bulb", if you get my drift. But this child of mine is giving me grief in a really inconvenient way lately. It's difficult to tell in the picture, but on the bottom of my wrist is a slightly red, raised bump. This protrusion is caused by the exact placement of my wrist on the laptop while I'm typing. I have an iBook callus and have no idea what to do about it. I've tried lifting up my hands and wrists while I type, but let's face it... I'm lazy and forget to keep them up. Plus, it makes my arms ache after a while. Pssh. I'm such a wimp, I know. Ideally, I'd put something wonderfully cushy where my wrists rest, but I have yet to find something cushy that allow my laptop to close properly (another issue I have with this insolent child of mine). Is this something everyone else is dealing with, or am I the only one subjected to Compu-Callus?

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

I'm Out, You're Not

The only grocery store I've gone to since moving down to North Carolina is Harris Teeter. It's a great place with a wonderfully vast selection of organic produce (as Matthew likes to point out, they write on a chalk board inside exactly how many items are organic, as if I actually had time to verify this number). Every time I go to this grocery store the same woman helps me. And every time she helps me, she confuses me with someone else. The other day she asked if I'd been online to check out the free bagel coupon like she told me to. Um... lady, you never told me to check out free bagels online. Ever. And if you did, you know I would have been all up ON that. But okay... whatever. Well today she took my cart and said, "I see you remembered your Harris Teeter card today! See? I told you to bring it!" *I slightly cocked my eyebrow* "Uh... hehe... yeah, I remembered..." All the while I'm secretly wishing she would have a day off. Just one, and I want someone else to ring me out on that day. I really don't have the heart to tell her she's confusing me with another devastatingly beautiful and witty girl... I mean... right? But on the other hand, how long can I bite my tongue before it all comes out like word vomit that I JUST WANT TO GET MY GROCERIES AND LEAVE AND YES I BROUGHT MY CARD AND NO I DID NOT BRING IN THE COUPON FOR A FREE PACK OF TAMPONS. Yeesh.

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Bottom's Up

I was going to write something charming, wistful and slightly sentimental about a night out with the girls, and not comment on my martini headache. But dammit, that's what I get for drinking three completely different drinks with very little water in between. This morning when Matthew woke me up I thought my head was going to crack off my neck and roll off the pillow. Darn that sugary goodness they call a Hokie With No Headlight! Darn it to heck!!

Monday, February 16, 2009

Whistle While You Work

Ahh, the soothing scent of basil... and parsley, black pepper, cedar and eucalyptus. Yes, my new favorite product is none other than a liquid hand soap, a product of the brand Mrs. Meyer's Clean Day. How fantastic is this, I ask you? Well, for starters, it's vegan-friendly and paraben-free. The company doesn't test any part of their product on animals (yippee!), and they have a quirky sense of humor. I appreciate a company who puts descriptions like, "Directions: Moisten your hands, then add soap. The longer you rub your hands, the cleaner they become." Whoever wrote that clearly loves their job and hinting at sarcasm. The company also makes other things, like bathroom cleaner, kitchen counter sanitizer and my other two favorite items: laundry detergent and fabric softener. I picked up softener in Basil, and the detergent in Geranium. Yum!

Saturday, February 14, 2009

You Shut Your Mouth When You're Talking To Me!

My step mom, Kim, sent Matthew and I this card for Valentine's Day. I'm a huge lover of cards, especially if they're satirical or off-color in nature. This one is a true gem which I don't want to ever throw away. Matthew hasn't gotten home yet, but I'll be you anything he about swallows his tongue when he reads it. I see absolutely no reason why Valentine's Day should ever be loathed or resented - what a perfectly good excuse to dust off your latex lover and show him how much you care. Let's get the lovin' on - Happy Valentine's Day everyone!

I Want One With Everything On It

When I picked up Winston from Whitney and Bill's house yesterday, I also grabbed his bag. It had most of the things you'd expect to come out of a doggy diaper bag: bowls, food, leashes (of which there were six), those sorts of things. But then I saw Winston's wardrobe, and it was all over. There HAD to be a fashion show. There would have been more pictures of more outfits, but it would have required me to torture his poor animal more than once, which I am not about to do. But, one hot dog outfit later, Winston was showin' the world who wears the wiener in his family. And my oh my, doesn't he look scrumptious? I might take it one step further tomorrow and make his parents a cute little collage of Winston as ______. That is, if Winston is feeling sassy enough.

Friday, February 13, 2009

Dictators Ride To and Fro Upon Tigers Which They Dare Not Dismount

This is Winston, everybody. Winston? This is everybody. Winston is the cutest little thing you ever did see, and is my sidekick for the next few days while his mommy and daddy (Whitney and Bill) are out of town. So far, Winston and I have taken three walks, watched P.S. I Love You (I had to get him a tissue, the big sap), and played with his hot dog outfit. Because I can't help but want to mess with pictures, I've also included a photoshopped version of Winston, portraying him in a slightly different manner. I call it, "Dog Under Plastic".

It's like someone put him in one of those vacuum-sealed bags or something. They're trying to keep him dust-free until his parents get home. Hilarious!

Tell Me

"Life is short, art long, opportunities fleeting, experience treacherous, judgement difficult." - Hypocrites

I was rifling through my books yesterday and found one I'd received as a Christmas gift from my father. The book isn't really one you'd sit down and read. Rather, it's something more of an "audience participation" project - you get to fill in all the blanks (of which there are many!). There are these fun, quirky pictures to accompany each new list you get to make. Take for example the list of The Websites You Visit Most. On the opposite page is a drawing of a squirrel taking a swig out of a jug marked XXX, with the heading "DRUNKSQUIRREL.COM". I kid you not, this is a real site. So in honor of this lovely little book, I will treat you to one of my own lists. God save you if you actually have read this far...

List The Way You've Changed Since Your Teens
  1. I don't split my hair down the middle.
  2. I wear makeup every day. Without fail, people.
  3. I succumbed to the peer pressure of wearing flaired jeans. In 9th grade I actually wrote a paper about how stupid this trend was and how I was going to wear my Jenko Jeans in protest forever. I got an A.
  4. I've realized how much I make boys nervous when I want to and have used this to my advantage in several instances.
  5. I've gained 7 pounds. But who hasn't?
  6. My musical tastes have continued to evolve from my beloved Spice Girls and Hanson obsessions, though I will still break out some "Spice Up Your Life" every now and again, just to remember where I came from.
  7. My appreciation for school has grown now that I'm not in it. Go figure. Sorry mom and dad.
  8. NPR is now my favorite radio station. Ever. I'm serious, have you ever listened to Click & Clack? A Prairie Home Companion? Wait, Wait... Don't Tell Me?? Oh my goodness... and how could you miss This American Life? These are amazing shows! SO much better than TV.
  9. I've moved around on my own to different places, the present one being Raleigh, NC.
  10. Acquired 2 tattoos (and really want a 3rd).
  11. Became a quasi-vegetarian in 2007.
  12. Ended my relationship with Starbucks on a business level and began work in the beauty/retail industry.
  13. Became proud of my brother. That kid's in the Navy now and kickin' ass working the Sonar.
  14. Learned how to say no, but not when.
  15. Picked up a camera (or two).
  16. Stopped chasing "pretty boys".
  17. Discovered I was bisexual. I guess I didn't "change" really, just understood myself more.
  18. I used to use face wash and lotion on my skin. Now I use two different cleansers (morning and night... hello?), liquid exfoliant, toner, tourmaline radiance fluid, green science eye creme, olive moisturizing creme (day), apple almond velvet concentrate (night), I have 3 different face masks and I will occasionally do a Biore nose strip. When it comes to skin care now, it's either "go big or go home."
  19. My boobs got a little bigger. And I thought they were perfect as B's, but noooOOOooo, they had to runneth over their cups. Now I have to worry about the day they decide to travel south toward my knee caps.
  20. I've developed an admiration and fascination for Audrey Hepburn and Marilyn Monroe, as well as Georgiana Duchess of Devonshire and Marie Antoinette. I've read all of their biographies and have a little crush on each of them.

Thursday, February 12, 2009

Pillow - 1 Kasey - 0

A few days ago I was changing the sheets on the bed and thought, "Oh, Matthew's probably not ever thought to wash these pillows, so I'll just do it for him." Big mistake. HUGE mistake. I threw two of his pillows into the washing machine, put in the necessary detergent to de-funkify said pillows, closed the lid and started up the road to hell. Not five minutes after I began the laundry did I heard a loud "WUMPA WUMPA WUMPA!!!!" coming from the laundry room. I ran to the doors, flung them open, and immediately threw myself on the washing machine, trying desperately to reduce the noise. It sounded like two sumo wrestlers were duking it out in a wet pillow fight in my washing machine. Not only did I try and hold the machine through the spin cycle like some oversized baby (like that was going to work), but I ended up having water leak out all over the place. Did you know that the pillows with the special center core can soak up 100 x their weight in water? Those bitches are like mammoth diapers.

After I squeezed the living daylights out of the pillow, I let it drip and [slightly] dry out over the railing of our porch. I'm sure the neighbor below thought we had some strange leak going on. Or maybe someone really had to pee off the side of the railing. Between the noise and the dripping, I'm not exactly making friends with anyone.

It took two days of hanging out to dry and one day of constant high heat in the dryer to get that thing even close to bed-ready. I'm still skeptical that there isn't water in the center of it. Next time I'll just throw it out and buy a new pillow. Or use the apartment's washing machine. At least if I break that it's not my problem.

Goodbye Princess

When Matthew first told me Raleigh had something like 64,000 people moving into the city every day, I scoffed. How in the world is that possible? And a better question - how many people are moving OUT? I need to know the net gain of people being lured in by the city and its residents. Certainly Matthew was trying his hardest, for sure. Not only did I come to visit said city, but I both met and fell in love with his friends and the area itself. Instantly smitten was I.

So three and a half months later, Matthew and I packed up my life and drove eastward to combine our worlds. It wasn't the hardest drive I've ever had to make (as I can recall a drive from Virginia to Florida with my father and brother as being very monotonous and full of "are we there yet??"). We drove from thick, packed snow and ice, through lightly chilled air, and into clear night skies. Rest stops with caged Coke, overly-excited heaters and even sign-in guest books. Maybe it was just me, but I didn't trust the pencil attached to that clipboard. You just peed and now you're going to touch the communal pencil?? WHY?!?

North Carolina wasn't as far away as I thought it'd be. Though I'm far from my family and all things familiar, I am happy in the notion of love and completeness. Matthew and I are blending well, despite the not agreeing on where to throw our keys or which towels we'll use. I love figuring things out with him, and for all of this to work out is a miracle indeed. Now if I could just get him to hang up his pants when he takes them off...